


EVIL SEX-PANTS?!

by Ebonyheart



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: (but not really), Count The Bee Gees references, Fluff, Implied Smut, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Safe Sane and Consensual, Song fic, The Author Regrets Nothing, White and yellow are in this fic, Yoga pants, bee gees references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:28:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21611497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ebonyheart/pseuds/Ebonyheart
Summary: Wade and Peter were stuck for over 5 hours at the most boring stake out ever but, luckily for them, Wade brought entertainment! The only reason you need to know that is because Peter is out for revenge.(Pleasant revenge, but still.)
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	EVIL SEX-PANTS?!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beetle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetle/gifts).



> On tumblr, Beetle prompted me to write Spideypool containing the following: bored, “evil sex-pants,” and The Bee Gees.
> 
> It was supposed to be 3 sentences.
> 
> It is not 3 sentences.

[White]  
  


(Yellow)

* * *

  
“Wade, say your prayers.”

Peter glared at his boyfriend through the mask, and he must’ve really been rubbing off on Wade because the merc took 2 comically large steps back.

(”Rubbing off”)

[*sigh*]

“Baby boy, you wouldn’t dare,” Wade insisted, very quickly backing up into a wall as the spider closed in on his prey.

“ _ We _ spent 5 hours, 27 minutes and 45 seconds at that stakeout before we could leave,” Peter said, calmly pinning his boyfriend to the wall.”After we split up,  _ I _ spent 5 hours, 11 minutes and 32 seconds listening to every last Bee Gees song you knew on repeat, and you spent 5 hours, 11 minutes and 32 seconds singing them.”

“Okay, to be fair, it was very boring, I was very understimulated, and I don’t get to choose what elevator music my brain plays.”

“True, but I got stuck in the elevator for over 5 hours,” Peter reminded him, nipping along Wade’s jaw. “So, are you gonna remind me what your words are?”

“Pause to pause, cheese to stop, and kick either you or the wall if I can’t speak.”

“Beautiful,” Peter said, claiming his boyfriend’s mouth before webbing Wade’s hands to the wall.

Wade gulped as Peter walked over to the couch, fully aware that he might to suffer a fate worse than a little death, but unsure exactly what that would be.

(Fun?)

[Normally I’d say that torture isn’t fun, but this  _ is _ Peter we’re talking about.]

“Definitely fun,” Wade agreed as Peter stripped out of his costume.

“Yup, lots and lots of fun,” Peter agreed, folding it up and pulling out the-

“EVIL SEX-PANTS?!”

Peter smiled beatifically at his boyfriend as he slipped them on, pulled his mat out of the ottoman, and started a few warm up stretches.

It is very important to note that he was facing _away_ from Wade.

(This is cruel and unusual punishment.)

[Unusual is debatable, but cruel?]

(He beat us home early to set up the lighting.)

[Well, that explains why it’s perfect.]

“Yeah, revenge is a dish best served cold, but spiders can’t thermoregulate.”

“True,” Peter said, head between his thighs so he could finally see Wade’s face. “It’s too bad you’re all tied up though, because I certainly wouldn’t mind you keeping me warm in your love.”

”Did you just-“

“Yup.”

Wade tried to glare instead of squirm, but he probably didn’t succeed judging by the look on Peter’s face.

“What?” Peter gave an upside down cheeky grin. “Are you blaming it all on nights on Broadway? Well don’t worry honey, you’re more than a woman to me.”

  
“You’re terrible,” Wade said, in awe of both bad jokes and his boyfriend’s flexibility.

(And that ass.)

[Everyone should be in awe of that ass.]  
  


Peter progressed through multiple positions at a languid pace, occasionally quoting another song just for the fun of it, but Wade didn’t really focus on that. He was held, he was being very good, and so it only took a minute before he settled into that head space where he would do whatever made Peter happy because it made Wade happy too. He watched Peter flow through each sensual position for what seemed like forever but, when his own needs made themselves known, he didn’t hesitate to voice them. After all, the audience _is_ supposed to engage with the art.

“Babe,” Wade whined, “I’m feeling a little lonely, I need a shoulder, and you’re older than me by like 5 months but I kinda can’t run to you right now.”

“Well, in that case,” Peter said as he transitioned into a handstand, “guess I’ve gotta do the things I wanna do.”

“Effective immediately, my middle name is, “Things.””

Peter laughed, doing a lazy cartwheel over to his boyfriend and weaving their fingers together.

“Wade Winston Things Wilson?”

“Rolls off the tongue,” Wade said somehow, even though his mouth had gone bone dry.

“Hmm… I might have to do things after all.”

Wade would like it to be known that yes, in fact, the following squeak was intentional.

**Author's Note:**

> How many of y’all bet that Peter was planning something like this for a solid week at least, and Wade just happened to give him a plausible excuse to push up the timing?


End file.
